garlic-breadgasm:

I can hear my brother have sex with his girlfriend next door and there is just a lot of bed creaking and I just heard her say ‘Are you even trying?’ and I laughed so hard my brother came into the room to tell me to fuck off

(via damiangayne)

-behindbars:

one time i went to church for christmas carols and i looked completely uncomfortable there and this girl overheard me telling my mum that i didn’t think i belonged there because i’m an atheist and then she came up to me later and said “you will know there is a god when he saves you from hell” and i just looked her dead in the face and said “who says i want to be saved? shit loads of gay sex in hell” and then she genuinely hissed at me and all i could think of was

(via tearsandguns)